October 11th, 2005
Categories: Uncategorized

Lead me not into temptation. I can get there fine by myself.


I think the world is against me.

I thank everybody for all the motivational messages regarding my self-imposed “sober binge“. Unfortunately, it amounted to diddily-squat, as only 1 day in, after a busy friday (which included a Scottish lady ringing at around 4:55, and was on the phone for 20 minutes), I had a pint of lager.

Of course, I largely blame myself (for boasting about my lack of alcohol at every concievable opportunity) and my workmates (who wanted to prove my integrity by buying me alcohol). Nevertheless, I used warped logic as “I don’t binge drink. Binge drinking is defined as 4 pints in one sitting. I need to stand up to go to the bar at least 3 times”. Me, being the honest type, decided to text my fellow sober bingers, to explain my wrongdoing. The accepted, and said that “I can start again tomorrow”, right?


You see, I went to Chester to see my lovely girlfriend (who now knows about this blog, and will get a write up, scouts honour*). Amongst cooking a meal, watching Wayne’s World, and doing other couply antics, we went to Chester’s Student Union. Again, my sober-dodging logic kicked in with the statement “Student Union beer is practically water, so therefore shouldn’t be inlcuded in the sober binge”. So, whilst nobody actually bought me a drink like the night before, I thought – as I was in new people company – it’d be rude not to.

Start again on Sunday? Yes! Well…kinda. Unfortunately, karma had it in for me, and we won a crate of beer at the quiz. We, being my team, and three members of the 7-strong “Barry Scott and the Cillit Bangers” are trying to curb drinking. The beer is still intact, but I’m waning.

That, and Sarah’s birthday today, meant last night was messy. I’m starting again from……now.

People have told me what a stupid idea it is, and I’m beginning to believe them. I mean, I’m at my most creative when hammered. Here’s some classics that I can remember:-

  • Alcolapped: Drinking so fast that you end up over 1 pint ahead of your drinking partner.
  • Wynne’s Law Of Internet Communication: The excitement you get to speaking to strangers on the internet is inversely proportional to the distance you are away from them (i.e. you’re more excited to speak to a stranger who lives on the end of your street than a stranger who lives in Mongolia, for example).
  • Handy Texting: The fact that both ‘shot’ and ‘pint’ are the same on predictive texts.

So, maybe I won’t give up the beer. My liver may just have to be creative too, creative in waste disposal.

We shall see.

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