February 14th, 2006 by Rhys

“Roses Are Red,
Violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet,
And So are You

But the roses have wilted,
The violets are dead.
Sugar will go off.
So let me knob you instead.

There are two types of people for Valentine’s day. There are those of you who believe it’s “Amazing, one day where the true expression of love is felt and everybody is happy.”, and then there’s the rest of us who have no shares in interflora.

Me, I’m firmly in the second camp. Of course, it’s not because I’m bitter, lonely cynical SOB. Honest. But yeah, VD 2006 will be spent on my own, as I’m not only single, but not going to Liverpool vs. Arsenal, which kinda sucks (I was trying to get tickets, but they fell through. Note to self for future, don’t boast about going before you got tickets).

I know you’ve heard it a million times before now, but I think it is too commercialised. So hats off to Asda, launching a “Smart Price” Valentine’s day card for 8p. Of course, Hallmark’s lobbying agent has written in response to Asda’s “Valentine’s on a shoestring” by saying “If you’re partner gets you this card, dump them.”. I call bullshit, and should any girl get me that card, I would get down on one knee and marry them.

So yeah, Happy Tuesday people. May you not spend a penny and have fantastic sex or something like that. And think of me, (though not during sex, as that would be wierd) alone, in my room, playing TFC or something.

As nothing says I love you more, than blowing someone’s brains out with a RPG.

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You'll need more than just a big house and a lot of patience for a marriage with eight kids !! That doesn't even account for the family pet goat who needs constant feeding ! Secrets are difficult to hide and personality clashes tough to avoid but it aint sibling rivalry all the way. Mum n Dad have got more than enough love to go around.

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