I live in the Kensington area of Liverpool. It shares nothing but name with the posh area of London of the same name, and generally it’s pretty grim. Luckily, I’m on the outskirts, so no bricks through windows, just the occassional arguements which consist of a manscally and a womanscally yelling at each other “Youse fook off” (when one finally does “fook off”, the other one shouts “ey! where do youse think your fooking going?”). Generally that’s as bad as it gets, but I’d be lying if I said that in certain trips to the chippy I didn’t walk overly fast.
On Saturday however, was the funniest arguement ever.
A few doors down were having a major tiff. Once you’ve lived in Liverpool for a while, you start to notice the variations between the different accents, so now I give them names. This arguement was between Francis (who I’m not sure of the gender, hence a unisex name) and Isaac (definitely a bloke). When these people have an arguement you just wait, wait, until they suddenly become unthreating because they say something so stupid that defies belief.
Saturday, hormonal Francis provided it, with a beauty that deserves to be blockquoted:-
“I’M GOING TO FOOKING STAB YA! AND I TELL YOU WHAT? YOU KNOW THAT BIT OF BODY BETWEEN YOUR HEAD AND SHOULDERS? I’M GOING TO STAB YOU THERE!”
I mean, come on. That’s not intelligent stupid, or ignorant stupid, or any type of medical condition stupid. That’s just stupid stupid. Even a mate of mine from my ex-workplace, who left school with only 2 GCSE’s would mock them for being stupid. How can you be that stupid? I just don’t get it.
In other news, this is - for me - very very scary (you need to be aware this isn’t my only site).
EDIT: For those of you who didn’t realise the deliberate mistake, yes the quote did say between “Head and Neck”. It should read “Head and Shoulders”. Apologies for all those readers who I called stupid because they didn’t get the joke. I need a proof reader!
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Rhys Wynne, the author of this blog, is a 20 something web designer from Colwyn Bay.
[...] A group of people who don’t make nearly enough appearances on this site as I’d like to are ‘Francis’ and ‘Isaac’, the two rough-as-sandpaper individuals who live next door to us. They’re loud, they’re obnoxious, and they’re the two funniest northern people since Ant and Dec. There’s a very good reason why I don’t speak about them too much: they scare me. Of course, they probably don’t have the internet, or where I live and things like that, but by god I’m being careful that I don’t talk too much about them, just in case. [...]