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Last night, I went to a house party around at a mate of a mate’s house. “It’ll be a Eurovision night!” my mate said “They’ve got a Eurovision buffet, just bring a few cans and a bit of cash for the sweepstake, it’ll be great.”. Hell, I wasn’t upto much, bring it on!

So off I toddled with a 10 pack and we arrived to catch the end of the Lottery, whice there were some protests, making it the best lottery in…well….ever really. There was a distinct Eurovision feel with the buffet (though I couldn’t think of what was represented by Armenia, but nevermind). I pulled three names out of the hat: Andorra, Portugal and Croatia. Which is all well and good, but Andorra and Portugal dropped out, so I was left pulling for the Croats when the show began.

If you haven’t seen Eurovision before, it’s basically a farce. Camp to buggery and full of political voting, but – as a stright man – there are a few things that keep my interest. The first one being one aspect of the Moldovan entry.

Unsuprisingly, in our eyes she became the early favourite.

After drivel after drivel after drivel (with a few exceptions: I – unlike Fern – quite liked the Danish tune), came our boys and girls from Blighty. I had heard so much about the song: mostly saying it is shit, and that it’s full of schoolgirls (the one on the left has seemingly perfected the Soccer A.M. “EASY” chant).

Now, I agree with one of the points. It was full of schoolgirls. The song, whilst not great, wasn’t too bad. Hell, my mum liked it, and she hates anything that resembles rap music.

However, as a group of metal heads, we were pulling for the Fins. Their song, “Hard Rock Halleujah”, was refreshing. They came out with flamethrowers and pyrotechnics and were just awesome. Okay, they weren’t lookers, but they were awesome.

After the last song (which I think was France. We didn’t like them because they were French), we waited the 10 minutes for voting and got ourselves some beers. The voting was a disadvantage to some countries – you ever try writing “Federal Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia” with predictive text, it’s not easy – but it’s probably the fairest way to do it.

Then came the scoring. Straight away, Croatia scored 10, which was bad, as any entry that gets “nil points” gets their money back. It also saw the beginning of the drinking game: no matter how many points you score, you drink for that length of time. I was lucky with Croatia, as I only drank for 40 odd seconds.

Finland, took an early lead, and kinda stayed there. Even more so when our results came up – read out by The Cotton – and we gave the Finns 12 points. Take that Eastern Bloc, we voted for the song we liked, and they ended up dicking on you.

It was certainly one of the best Eurovisions I can remember, as the most Un-Eurovision song won. As somebody last night so eliquoently put it: “We’re taking back the Eurovision from the poofs.”. We saw them play out the show, and somebody switched it over to E4.

Big Brother was on. I’ve completely fallen out of it, and just not interested in it anymore actually. So I left the party and went home, drunk, £1 down, but an awesome night!

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