One of the joys of University was the swimming pool. In it, at any time, could be between 30-40 women who you could stare opened mouthed at (which, accoring to my namesake, is very good for you. So we’re not being perverted. Honest.) for hours of end. It’s really no suprise: it’s a university swimming pool, it’ll be full of students, bright eyed and bushy tailed people.
Fast forward two years, and I’m in Colwyn Bay’s swimming pool. A vast majority of Colwyn Bay’s residents have one foot in the grave or two feet in the dole queue. As such, the swimming pool was filled with old people or the kind of people you really wouldn’t want to ogle at, with fear of “being done in”. There was around 30 people in the pool at the time. Do you know how many I would actually consider for a relationship? Two. And they were swimming a lot faster than me! It’s hard to impress a girl if you can’t outswim them! It means in water they will always have the upper hand.
It got worse too. After an impressive 10 lengths, I took a breather (never really did understand when people say “do an hour swimming”. What sort of breaks we talking about here? Surely you can’t go full tilt for an hour!), I noticed an old lady walk into the swimming pool. She was slight, and I recognised her.
She used to be my head of year in my old school.
At least, I think it was. Being a goody two shoes I never visited her much, and I doubt she knew my name anyway, but it did look like her. All of a sudden, all those bad dreams you get when you imagine yourself naked in a public place came flooding back. I don’t like being topless in front of many people, least of all old teachers, so I hid for a while.
However, all that being said, I did enjoy it. I felt like I’d dome something good to myself. Of course it’s going to not undo the three years of hedonism I had as a student. Hell, it might not even justify the three ales and a glass of red wine at the quiz (we won a bottle of red wine, I’m not going soft). So, hopefully, manly, unshaven (thank you very much Tilesey but I agree with Celeste. You shave your chest and you’re not a professional athelete, questions will be asked) chest that women will swoon over may soon come. Go me!