Yesterday I headed to the hospital, as previously mentioned. I said I was all clear. Well it’s not strictly true.
They wanted to give me an echography, to make sure there isn’t any disease. However, that wouldn’t befor another few weeks. I convinced them that I was okay, and I had changed my lifestyle so they decided not to bother. However, should it happen again, then they would insist on it. However, they seemed happy with my progress, and the fact I’ve changed my lifestyle from a beer drinking, work hard – play hard son of a gun to a moderately fit, eat well, exercising yet sexually dangerous individual.
Yes, sexually dangerous.
You see, apparently there’s a bit of an epidemic going around, and we’re causing it. Males, straight, 18-25, and drop dead gorgeous (such as myself) are getting infected with all sorts of std’s. We – as the doctor said – are “a ticking time bomb”. He said he wouldn’t discharge me without examining for STD’s. So, after telling him my quite frankly rather depressing history, I weed into a cup, and he gave me the all clear.
Nice to know I have no diseases.
The doctor then asked me what sort of “sex education” I had. I decided not to mention the fact that in year 8 the head of year got the videos mixed up (long story short, I now know how to put in a tampon), and instead went for the hilarious “Oh, plenty of theory, not enough practical”.
He didn’t laugh.
Instead, he talked to me about why I was targetted (what you read above), and used the phrase “you, Rhys, are sexually dangerous!”. It doesn’t mean I’m a rapist, just I’m more likely to be unprotected. He then gave me enough condoms to start my own brothel.
So, if anybody wants any, I’m quite willing to send a handful out to people – providing they make me laugh in an email – go on, send your funnies to the usual address.
I’m also accepting requests from ladies who wish to help me though this mountain of contraception. Send me an email with vital statistics, turn ons and fastest lap on Daytona USA to the same address. Cheers!
In other news, yesterday’s post was supposed to read “All clear”, but the “l” key was broken on my keyboard in the internet cafe. I had to google my name, go to my old site, click on the blogger link to get to blogger (luckily my password has no “L”‘s).