September 19th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized

Pirates, Chess and My Cock

 

Arrrr!!! Today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Shiver My Timbers, Set sal on the seven seas with Seaman Staines, Master Bates, and Roger the Cabin Boy looking for gold and tresure. Arrr! I’ll stop now.

chesspiecesIn the past few days, I’ve been playing a game that I haven’t played in years – Chess. I used to be really into the game in a “fuck it, I’m not going to get laid, I’ll have a go”. However, like most competitive sports, I found I was shit at it. Nevertheless, I tried. My younger brother used to be better than me, and I think the house record of “longest time undefeated” was when he beat me constantly in 99 games. However,.before the 100th game, mum bought him an ice cream “just to let me win”.

I mean, I understand it, I understand the moves you do, it’s just cominng up with a way to beat people. I feel that every move leads me closer to my impending doom. With that in mind, I joined the Free Internet Chess Server for a few games.

I got my arse handed to me well and truly.

30 games played, 30 losses. Elo Rating of -54*. I came close in one game, but ended up short. I just can’t formulate tactics on it. One opponent, from Belarus (yes, I’m suprised they have the internet there) even said “good game” to me 13 MOVES BEFORE HE CHECKMATED ME! What a dick. Least in my country we have such things as running water, lesbianism, and more than 2 busses. Easten Bloc Cocksucker.

Speaking of cocks, I have actually gone all the way and posted a picture of my cock on Celeste’s blog. Go see. I promise it’s not some lame chicken related joke.**

* May not be true….

** Sucker….

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