After the success of Mum & Dad’s holiday to Belgium earlier on this year (I’m still drinking the beer they gave me as a present, damn it’s good stuff), Mum has decided to bugger off again, this time to Nottingham, to stay with Rick where they will do all sorts of fun stuff. As we speak, my mum is bopping around to everybody’s favourite One Hit Wonders: The Goo Goo Dolls (Controversial statement I know, but come on. Name one other song bar Iris without clicking on that link*). In her absence, I have once again be promoted to mother, with the rest of the family positions re-organised, with each family member taking up a tempory more important role. Aled has been promoted to “Older Brother”, Bonnie’s been promoted to “Younger Brother” and Dad has been promoted to “Dog”.
Mum is not without her influence in her absence though. The notices have once again appeared on every single door. Giving instructions on what to do.
However, Mum does have more faith now. They were up about 3 months before she went last time, and she hasn’t called me once yet, as opposed to the 20 million times she called me from Belgium (ironically, as I wrote that statement, she called me. She played me Iris down the phone. By god, it sounds like she’s at the most conservative gig ever. No bloody noise!). So I must be doing something right.
In her absence, I’ve started up a Facebook account. Everybody is whinging at me to get one, so I did. I’m not sold on it, to be honest. It has some nice features – allowing you to import RSS feeds into your Facebook blog is something I wished Myspace did, and the Facebook game is quite amusing, and there are groups that promote my way of thinking. But by and large it just seems a little dry. Anyway, if you want to add me below is my facebook badge, promoting my excellent forum and my excellent toplist.
But yeah, as I said – Facebook I’m not liking. Sure Myspace is full of dicks, but Facebook is full of students, and students are by and large anti-war, which makes them pussies. Also Facebook don’t allow changing of colours and anything, you have to keep them all the same. And by keeping everything the same, you’re bowing to communism. And do you know who’s a communist? Kim Jong Il. And, if Team America has taught me anything. It’s taught me that Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Anyway, pussies don’t like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn’t appropriate – and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves… because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don’t know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we’re going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
Ahem….sorry, it just seemed appropriate.
* If you name another goo goo dolls song, I’m assuming you’re cheating