A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I was a bit uninspired at the moment, in a creative lull, and I thought it was due to the weather. Well, the weather made it up by giving me something to blog about on the walk to work yesterday morning.
Holy. Shit.
Yes, the storms we are having at the moment took down one of the trees in the woods I walk through every day. Ironically, Swallowed In The Sea, had just kicked in on my MP3 player, and Chris Martin began singing.
You cut me down a tree, and brought it back to me.
Cheers Chris, you utter cunt.
Anyhoo, there was two courses of action.
- Ring work, say I’m going to be late, walk back home then walk or get a lift to work off me mum
- Struggle through the steep, unchartered woods off the beaten track to drop down onto the road.
Unfortunately, I was in an area with no mobile phone signal, so instead I took option 2.
I was kinda happy that the I would test my bush skills, and I’d be lying if I said my first thought wasn’t “Christ, I could write a decent blog about this!” I may’ve bitten off more than I could chew though when, approximately 3 steps off the tarmac track, I went arse over tit. This was going to be tricky.
I’ll be honest, it was messy. I found a stick to balance me, but trainers with terrible grip + slippy leaves meant I fell over at least 4 or 5 times. I too a long and winding route through the trees, and half way down I thought about giving up. Unfortunately, getting back up was impossible, so I had to make my way down through the trees and onto the Old Highway – a shackly old road with cars whizzing past too fast on it, with no pavement.
After another couple of falls, one of which involved a tweaked knee and cutting myself on some holly, I made it down onto the road. I was late by now, but was covered in mud…
…and a little blood…
…but I felt very manly!
Han loves this, she thinks she’s going out with the Second Coming of Ray Mears. Alas, if only she would’ve accompanied me on my travels through the wood, she’d have seen that I was completely (to quote The Mears) “Under prepared and Lacking In Basic Survival Knowledge of these Dangerous Environments”. It’s a fucking miracle I’m alive.
I took a few minutes out of work to take a few pictures, one of which features my clothed covered arse. If you don’t fancy looking at my bum, I suggest you look away now…
Did I get any sympathy? Did I fuck. The first thought was the ever concerned “You look like you’ve shat yourself!”.
Cheers everybody.
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Comments: 16 Comments
Rhys Wynne, the author of this blog, is a 20 something web designer from Colwyn Bay. 
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Oh God that is sooo funny!
Sorry.
But it is!
HA HA HA HA HA HA
Grrr…
I took more pics on the way to work this morning, to show steepage of woods!
lol
sorry dude but it does look like you’ve shat yourself! and as for the blood… i think you need to grow a pair!
Actually, the cut (for such a small cut) hurt like hell! Think it got a wee bit infected with mud and florae and shit.
I’m just glad I work in jeans. Imagine if I had a muddy trouser bum!
What the hell is florae?!
Is that Welsh for Foliage or Flora?
*snigger*
dude you ever thought you might be a slight hypochondriac? i dont think it can get infected that quickly
hope you dont get aids.. good or bad!
Celeste: http://www.answers.com/florae&r=67
Guy: It bloody does get infected that quickly. Either way, I washed it when I got in the office, and I washed teh Aids away!
Never seen it spelt with an e before. That must be for special people.
Are you up to date with your tetnus jabs?
Probably!
don’t wind him up
i still dont see why u didnt climb over the tree and embrace every boys natural instinct of climbing trees!
Admit it – you saw the tree, a squirrel jumped out with his pointy teeth, made a big noise and you just got scared.
Don’t be embarrased, it happens to us all at some point, but usually a little later in life than in our twenties, like 60 years later.
I would have gone over the tree, well actually I have Odo so I wouldn’t be near a country lane, I’d be speeding along the A249
with loud music playing!
aw, my own wimpy ray mears! You call that blood! jesus crist you should see my arm after I went home, I swear prins lost all the sheaths on her claws. I bled everywhere.
Danielle thinks I’m a self harming emo now, which she took great pleasure in telling the WHOLE lecture theatre, woe!
Rhys:
There is no spoon
P.S. You look like you shat yourself
Wow – and adventure! You might want to keep an extra set of clothes at work for just this kind of thing, though. I do! You never know what you will encounter on the way.
I have to say, it looks like you have a lovely walk to work. I so miss Welsh roads.
Judging by the roadway on the left, the right drop-off must be pretty steep! Pictures, please!
Small cuts are the worst. Didn’t know you were the rugged type. What a man!
Wow. If I had scenery like this to look at on my way to work, I don’t think I’d ever get there. Beautiful woods. I keep expecting one of the Monty Python knights from the Holy Grail to come riding through.