A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I was a bit uninspired at the moment, in a creative lull, and I thought it was due to the weather. Well, the weather made it up by giving me something to blog about on the walk to work yesterday morning.
Yes, the storms we are having at the moment took down one of the trees in the woods I walk through every day. Ironically, Swallowed In The Sea, had just kicked in on my MP3 player, and Chris Martin began singing.
You cut me down a tree, and brought it back to me.
Cheers Chris, you utter cunt.
Anyhoo, there was two courses of action.
- Ring work, say I’m going to be late, walk back home then walk or get a lift to work off me mum
- Struggle through the steep, unchartered woods off the beaten track to drop down onto the road.
Unfortunately, I was in an area with no mobile phone signal, so instead I took option 2.
I was kinda happy that the I would test my bush skills, and I’d be lying if I said my first thought wasn’t “Christ, I could write a decent blog about this!” I may’ve bitten off more than I could chew though when, approximately 3 steps off the tarmac track, I went arse over tit. This was going to be tricky.
I’ll be honest, it was messy. I found a stick to balance me, but trainers with terrible grip + slippy leaves meant I fell over at least 4 or 5 times. I too a long and winding route through the trees, and half way down I thought about giving up. Unfortunately, getting back up was impossible, so I had to make my way down through the trees and onto the Old Highway – a shackly old road with cars whizzing past too fast on it, with no pavement.
After another couple of falls, one of which involved a tweaked knee and cutting myself on some holly, I made it down onto the road. I was late by now, but was covered in mud…
…and a little blood…
…but I felt very manly!
Han loves this, she thinks she’s going out with the Second Coming of Ray Mears. Alas, if only she would’ve accompanied me on my travels through the wood, she’d have seen that I was completely (to quote The Mears) “Under prepared and Lacking In Basic Survival Knowledge of these Dangerous Environments”. It’s a fucking miracle I’m alive.
I took a few minutes out of work to take a few pictures, one of which features my clothed covered arse. If you don’t fancy looking at my bum, I suggest you look away now…
Did I get any sympathy? Did I fuck. The first thought was the ever concerned “You look like you’ve shat yourself!”.