April 13th, 2007
Categories: Uncategorized

Childhood Ambitions – I Wanted To Be A Rubbish Wrestler

 

I really wanted to be a wreslter in the early 90′s. Basically, my mate got Sky, and I was transfixed by musclebound men in swimming trunks (in a non-gay way).

However, as a child, I was scared of getting hurt.

The week later, we got sky, and we were watching wrestling. Anyway I was just saying to my mum and dad “I WANNA BE A WRESTLER!”, jumping on and off the couch, that kind of thing that a sugared up child of the 90′s would do.

However, something happened that made me give up the dream.

The Undertaker locked The Ultimate Warrior in a coffin, and they had to break him out, give him CPR, and attached him to a defribilator. All very scary stuff for a 7 year old, who didn’t know it was fake.

I immediately thought that by saying repeatedly “I WANNA BE A WRESTLER”, I had already made my career plans, I started saying “I DON’T WANNA BE A WRESTLER! I DON’T WANT TO BE A WRESTLER!”, crying, and being a very irrational 7 year old. Even after my mum shattered the illusion that The Undertaker probably owns a car, is called ‘Brad’, and is actually a very nice man down the shops, I was not convinced.

So I thought of a way out.

I would be tag team champions with Hulk Hogan.

Simple! He likes fighting, he can do all of it, I’d just stand in the corner, smiling gormlessly. We’d never lose.

As of today, I’m yet to be Tag Team Champion.

What did you want to be when you were all grown up?

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