May 17th, 2007
Categories: Uncategorized

20 Things I’ve Learnt About Myself and the World Recently


Please continue to enter the Golden Goal Competition. Click here to enter.

Here’s a list of things that I’ve been telling myself recently.

  1. You are dying, but only at the same rate everybody else is. All heart palputations/headaches/sore legs/colds/shivers/constipation/loss of appetite I’ve had in the past year have been caused by viruses, me being an idiot, and other things that we get from time to time.
  2. You are probably not lactose intolerant, but soy milk is fucking tasty stuff, so I’ll let you off.
  3. No matter how many times you comment on certain blogs, the author won’t acknowledge you. These are not huge blogs that have a gazillion readers, these are blogs that are less popular than Guy’s, for fucks sake.
  4. I probably wouldn’t comment on said blogs if I didn’t fancy the author.
  5. Whenever you see an attractive runner run past your window. Getting your trainers on and running the opposite way around the estate doesn’t guarantee you’ll “bump” into them.
  6. Likewise, running full pelt for a mile with a dodgy leg is probably not the best thing to do before a big football match.
  7. Sometimes it’s better just to keep your mouth shut, as giving thoughts on sensitive issues can be dangerous.
  8. Some things are more important than money. Freedom and friends are two.
  9. Loyalty is worthless, your real friends will understand and will be happy for you.
  10. Your theory of posting a question at the end of every post to generate more comments it total bullcrap, as nobody commented on your last post.
  11. Never tell your vengeful ex girlfriend the above point, as she will comment and ruin a perfectly good blog post.
  12. Deluded they may be, but understand not everybody can be a Colwyn Bay FC Fan, and they won’t come halfway across the country to see you.
  13. Just remember the names of those of them who cannot be bothered to travel a mile for that, and next time they want something, tell them to fuck off.
  14. The ground may look dry, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get mud on your trainers.
  15. Other people may read your mail, so keep it nice and unincriminating.
  16. Having no e-mails is probably not a bad thing.
  17. Keep losing weight, you’re getting sexier, more confident and funnier, just lay off certain topics for jokes.
  18. You are uncool, but that’s okay. Cool is a synonym for boring. Why fit in when you can stand out?
  19. You’re never going to be a hugely popular blogger, that traffic spurt last week that pushed you into the top 100,000 sites on the internet (according to Alexa) was probably your own doing. Take Jem’s advice, it’s easy to manipulate it.
  20. You’re not going bald.

I would also apologise for the football updates, but understand it is the biggest thing that’s happening in my life at the moment, and as it’s my blog, I am allowed to talk about it. I have also added a little something to the Golden Goal Competition. There’s 2 prizes now! But this one is a surprise, so you’ll have to enter to find out what it is. Closing date is sometime tomorrow.

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