For those of you who know me and read this blog, you’ll know that I had a weird heart thingy just over a year ago. Whilst physically I have been fine, emotionally I have never fully recovered, so much so that any sort of pain and injury results in me becoming a bit of a hypochondriac, and convincing myself I am going to die.
It’s all very well individuals saying “yeah, you’re fine, get over it”, but I’m one of those people that need convincing. I need showing that I’m fine. However, if I’m lead to a treadmill, I’m shit myself and run away. It’s hard finding 23 year olds who have been in hospital with dodgy .
I don’t want to celebrate prematurely, but last night, I feel I shaked my demons.
Last night I went to play a game of football with some of the Bay fans. It was only 9 a side, but it was over a full size pitch. All in all, I played around 80 minutes, and – although I wasn’t a key player covering every inch of the grass – I felt I played well. Towards the end, I began to flag but it was more of my leg, rather than my chest.
I sit here, 3 or so hours after finishing, and I feel so good. I mean, I am still young, and it feels like a massive “I can’t do this” weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A weight I’ve had since April 20th last year. I also really enjoyed the game, and – whilst the venue has changed since last week, it’s still going to be a good kickabout.
Towards the end, some of my team mates asked me if I was playing May 19th. Despite also being cup final day it’s also the day of the Colwyn Bay Staff vs. Colwyn Bay Fans at Llanelian Road. After much ummming and ahhing, I will be on the fans team. If you are in a 1000 mile radius of Colwyn Bay, I urge you to come. For your benefit is that you can get pissed, have a laugh, and watch the worst display of football you have ever seen in your life from yours truly. My benefit? My ego is supressed because I live safe in the knowledge people have paid to watch me play football (it’s Â£1 entry). The main benefit? It’s a great day out (it’s a cheap bar, and the cup final is on after in the bar) and it raises money for the club.
But the most important reason for me? I’ve laid my “I can’t do this because I’m ill” demons to rest.