June 19th, 2007
Categories: Uncategorized

Arise Sir Rhys

 

On Saturday, it was the Queen’s Official Birthday (and – as one of my hundred million readers – can I just wish you a happy birthday Ma’am), and – like all years, there was an Honours List. It contained notable names such as cricketing god Ian Botham and Islam’s #1 Fan Salman Rushdie. One thing always makes me think about the article – and it appears with every media publication of the honours list – is the following line.

All the 946 people on the list have been nominated by the public or expert organisations.

This poses two questions:

  • 946 means that there’s a fair few of these things knocking around.
  • The public nominates them.

As there’s a fair few people who read this blog, does anybody know how one goes about nominating somebody for a knighthood? I mean, I wouldn’t mind one (as they’re knocking about), and it’d give me something to blog about.

I’m assuming the most polite way to ask for a knighthood is to ask The Queen. Of course, being a head of state, you can’t exactly knock on her door and ask her for one. So therefore, I assume the best form would be in letter form.

“Yes, Rhys!” I hear you scream, “I would love to see you become a knight, or even an OBE, but by goodness I haven’t the time nor the creativity to write a letter to the Queen.”. We can’t have slackers in this ‘Get Rhys a Knighthood’.

Well, lucky for you, I have prepared a letter. Copy it into Word, print it out, mail it to Buckingham Palace, and I’ll be a knight in the new year.

Dear HRH, Your Majesty Queen Elizabeth 2nd.

Hows one going? Is one okay? I am writing to you to nominate Rhys Wynne for a knighthood for the services to blogging. Rhys has been blogging now for 5 years, and has only got a one off 5 minute piece on radio show to show for it. I feel that, thanks to his tireless efforts, he should be made a knight.

The reasons for making Rhys a knight are.

- He’s bloody funny.
- He’s only 23, and it could break a world record or something for the youngest Knight.
- He was amongst the first 100,000 to start a blog, and probably one of the few still going from that era.
- It’d piss the Daily Mail right off.

I hope I have put a convincing argument forward for this, and would like you to seriously consider it.

All the best

YOUR NAME HERE

So there we go. Print it off, mail it to the Queen, and I’ll be a knight by 2008!

Come to think of it, what are the benefits of being a Sir? I mean, aside from the fact you could win any arguement with “Oh yeah? Well I’ve got a fucking knightood”? Do you get 20% off at Burtons? Do you get 2 for 1 at Dominos? Free bus travel? Surely there must be some perks, I wonder what they could be.

Failing that, if you were to become a knight or a dame, what would it be in?

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