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On The Best Holiday Ever™, the best experience was Oktoberfest, a 2 week festival in late September in Munich, Germany, which features beer, fairground rides and fantastic food. I wish I spent longer at Okky, but alas we only had 6 hours at the festival. Of course, I fitted a lot into that 6 hours, and part of that was through speaking to people and being told how to act at Oktoberfest. Last year, we were half talking of going. No disrespect to Tom, Z, Guy and the rest of them, but I so glad I did it when we did. The reason being is that if we went with Tom, Z, Guy and the rest, we probably wouldn’t have got Oktoberfest Etiquette.

Yes, ironically it’s actually quite tricky to get drunk at Oktoberfest unless you know what you’re doing. Here’s three tips to make sure your Oktoberfest (which there will be one, you must go) goes well:

1. Wear clothes you Don’t Mind Getting Dirty

Oktoberfest is not a place to show off your posh clothes. In the tents, you’re there to have one thing and one thing only – a good time. You are not there to show off your fancy threads to impress the opposite sex – hell, I didn’t and I pulled, and I wasn’t the only one. Beer will be spilled on you, so don’t wear your best suit or dress. Girls would also do well to dress conservatively, as girls do get perved on by me some people.

Also, one mistake I did make is to have untied shoelaces when going to the men’s loos. Just don’t. They’re still not clean.

2. Tip The Fraus

At Oktoberfest, you get served, and there is no bar to get you served. Plus that there is one Frau to (the barmaids) one area, it means one thing and one thing only: piss off your Frau, and you won’t get served. One way is to charm the knickers off them, but the easiest way is to tip heavily on the first drink. Most drinks are around €9-10, depending on the tent. I would seriously recommend tipping the Frau €5 per person for the first drink. Of course, after that you don’t have to tip the Frau every drink (we did, beers were €8, we gave her €10 and told her to keep the change), but even then it’s nice.

There is a reason: These women work bloody hard, and always have a smile on their face. We had marks on our hands from lifting up the bierstiens, and that was just one. These women can carry upto 8 or 10, and they also are your only source of alcohol at Oktoberfest, so smile, be polite, and tip. Because if you look after them, they’ll look after you.

3. Learn One Song, and One Song Only

There’s usually a traditional German band playing in the tents at Oktoberfest, usually they play tunes that are pretty universal (such as “Happy Birthday” and “She’ll be Coming Round The Mountain”), but there’s one they play every 10 minutes called “Ein Prosit”. This is how it goes:

” Ein Prosit, ein Prosit
Der Gemütlichkeit
Ein Prosit, ein Prosit
Der Gemütlichkeit.”

Which phonetically sounds like this:

“Ayen Praw steet, Ayen Praw steet
Dare Goo dool Eee kite!
Ayen Praw steet, Ayen Praw steet
Dare Goo dool Eee kite!”

An MP3 is available to download from this song from this site. Learn this song, as you will be singing it a lot.

Okay, it may seem like a long way away, but there’s only 338 days between now and the next Oktoberfest. I will be there, will you?

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