Yes, I know, I was going to talk about The Best Holiday Ever™, but instead I want to talk about something else. It’s important that I talk about it today, all will be revealed.
The day was Monday, I was descending into Post Holiday Depression, when a guy from one of the other offices. The company associated with them does fire safety checks, as well as a bit of pyrotechnics. He announced that he had 3 spare tickets to the recording of Top Gear on Wednesday in Guildford, which is in Surrey, and wanted to know if we fancied it.
After about half an hour of restructuring our lives, we said yes.
For those of you who don’t know. Top Gear is the BBC’s most successful program, it’s about cars, but it’s light entertainment too. It’s watched by around 1 billion people worldwide, and last week’s first episode drew 6 and a half million Brits, making it the most watched show that week. To quote Ron Burgandy – it’s kind of a big deal.
Anyway, for those who are familiar with the show, prepare to have your illusions shattered: it’s scarily well prepared, with every gag maticulously planned. You really should go and see it live if you think the chemistry between them is fake though, it’s not, they genuinely cock about and have a laugh, and I think every single bloke on this planet would secretly give their right testicle to be a top gear presenter.
Anyway, after about an hour or so filming (including the star in the resonably priced car – who was Jools Holland. God he’s short), we had a break, so it was an opportunity to take photos. Here’s three of my favourites:
A few years ago on Top Gear, they made the observation that the Toyota Hilux can never be destroyed. They tried, but they couldn’t. I got a photo with the remnants of the (still working) machine.
In this photo is one of the presenters (and who most normal women consider to be more desirable), Richard Hammond. He was the one that nearly died a year ago and is such a nice guy. Even after my camera didn’t work, he made a laugh and joke about it. He stayed after recording to sign autographs and take photos. He is even shorter than he looks on the telly.
And finally, here a photo with two men. One of the men is a talented man that makes Han moist when thinking about him, and who she regularly fantisies about during sex, and would give her little toe to share an evening’s passion with. Also in the picture is James May.
All in all, it was an amazing experience, and I’m surprised how professional it all is, it does come accross as three guys having a laugh, but it’s more well planned than SAS Missions. That doesn’t mean that it’s serious until the cameras roll, it’s fascinating how it is all filmed and recorded, and off camera it’s like being on camera, except for the odd “fuck” or “bollocks”.
So, when will it air? Well, it is going to air this coming Sunday at 8pm in the UK. Will you see me on camera? I doubt it. I was usually on the side with the cameras, as it was easier to get to the front (I did shout “hot!” after Jools Holland’s lap, see if you can hear me ). You may see me at one point too: after the News, Jeremy Clarkson walks to the Toyboata (a Toyota Hilux converted into a speedboat), you may see me in passing.
But don’t watch it for me, it’s a very good episode this week. I should know, I’ve seen it all.