December 27th, 2007
Categories: General

Three Things I Hate About Christmas


Bah humbug.

No not really, I do love Christmas, and 2007′s Christmas was a quality one. However, there are things that this Christmas, along with every Christmas, I don’t like. Here they are.

1. Christmas Dinner
Specifically – Turkey. Is there a more bland meat than this? It’s horrible cardboard material from a untasty and expensive bird. It’s vile, and I can’t stand it. I stomach it because it’s Christmas, but I only eat it once a year (which is once more than sprouts). When I’m older, just give me stuffing and sausages wrapped in bacon. Sod the turkey. If you want one, get something from Bernard Matthews, it tastes the same.

2. The Fact X-Factor Get #1
Recently (last few years or so), the excitement of the UK Christmas Single’s chart has been completely crushed thanks to the X-Factor. Basically, whoever wins that show gets a guarenteed Christmas #1. Often there’s one serious contender, and a bunch of jokey records, but it’s usually The X-Factor. This year the winner, Leon, was drab, bland and so unchristmassy it was painful. I just think that when Christmasses are spent working in Simon Cowell’s gold mines with the only chance of “entertainment” being spoon fed garbage music, just remember, I fucking called it.

3. The wierd sleeping patterns associated with the day
Okay, this is my own fault. I generally go to the pub for the only two hours they are open: 12pm-2pm. As the pub is only opened for two hours, I generally spend my time there getting a little lubricated. Couple that with the wine, port and more beer I drink voer the day, I usually end up not drunk, but exhausted by about 7pm. It’s wierd, considering that when you’re little, you go to bed so early on Christmas Eve. Now, I end up shattered by about 8pm I’m usually knackered. Then I wake up at 6am Boxing day, and my sleeping pattern becomes the same as somebody who has flown to the UK from New York. In other words, screwed.

This makes it sound like I hate Christmas. I don’t, I love it! But I can’t be the only person to think some elements of the perfect day are stupidly imperfect. What don’t you like about Crimbo?

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