December 6th, 2007
Categories: General

Three Things I Would Put Into Room 101

 

Last night, I was watching Room 101, a show all about banishing what you percieve to be the worst aspects of society into the Orwellian Room 101, so that they’re gone forever. As somebody who has not only been put into Room 101, but who has controversially been put into Room 101 – (By Anne Robinson, who hates the Welsh. We hate her the ginger humourless bitch), I’m not sure if I can blog this, but what the hell, it’s my blog. Here’s three things – that given the chance – I would banish to history.

1. Corriander
This is the herb of satan.

The first time I ever ate Corriander was on my 22nd Birthday, when we went for a Chinese meal. How can I remember it? Simple, it was the most miserable birthday ever. I thought “fuck it, I’m 22, I’m going to try new things and experience new experiences” and ordered a Thai green curry.

It tasted like mouthwash.

I cried. First refused a job, and now rubbish food, and it’s my birthday. Chinese wise, I stuck for Chicken & Black Bean Sauce and Sweet And Sour Chicken for about 6 months after that, until Han introduced me to the wonders of Chicken & Cashew Nuts.

Seriously,  does anybody like it? Jamie Oliver does, he puts it on his cornflakes every morning, but he’s from Essex, so it cannot be assumed that he is bowling at all 10 pins.

I have a profound hatred for it, and the fact that it’s in everything! Seriously, there are people with allergies who can eat more than I can. They even use it to flavour pringles. Pringles! You can’t by Cajun Spiced Flavour in the UK yet you can buy Corriander Flavour. Something is not right there.

2. The Argos Catalogue
If there was anything that is so difficult to navigate, it’d be this. I just don’t really understand how idiosyncratic it can be. The fact they don’t group anything together, and it annoys you. For example, I was searching for headphones for my mobile phone, and in the Christmas catalog they are on pages 1030, 1012, 1019-22 and 1447. Why can’t they stick them all together in a Yellow Pages style? But it’s all over the place. I can’t remember the pages.

And they bold certain numbers. Why? It means nothing. Thank goodness for the internet, as shopping for me now is a breeze.

3. Pretentious Yet Keen Music Fans
Eurgh. I hate dealing with these people. You can spot them if their second question they ask you when they meet you is “What music you are into?”. At which case I’d probably run a mile. When meeting a new person, I wouldn’t ask such specific and controversial questions to begin with, and yet people do! There’s no right answer to these questions, and it’s only asked by people who are really keen in music, and have no other interests.

These people believe that any band that is successful is rubbish, any band that lives in a flat in the rough part of town creating rubbish music are “keeping it real” and must be listened to. They still believe Myspace is better than Facebook, and that they are right and their tastes are immaculate. I met one last week,  who was going on about seeing a band that I never heard of in a hovel in Liverpool, who asked me what music I liked. I answered rock. She proceeded to list of 100 different genres of “rock”. I had no idea, so she helped me out with what band I liked. I said – as a safe bet – Oasis.

She looked at me like I burnt down an ophanage.

She’d go into Room 101. Fast.

Grr, I’m going to need a lie down. What would you stick into Room 101?

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