Today marks a whole year of being single.
It was on March 6th 2007, during Manchester United 1-0 win at Lille, where Han told me over MSN that she didn’t want to go out with me anymore. Now, whether you think it’s a good or a bad way to split up I don’t know. I have my opinions, but I’m not sharing them for fear of turning them into a slanging match. I just want to say my thoughts.
Firstly, being single for this length of time both shocks me and doesn’t shock me that - despite for a positively waterlogged patch last October/November (it’s amazing what a trip around Europe does for the confidence), and a mystery Valentine’s Day balloon over Facebook - I’ve pretty much had zero female interest since then. I mean, I rarely get hugs or anything like that even. No words through the grapevine, nothing.
I’ve even joined a few dating sites and usually I send messages. Not only do I rarely get any back, occasionally people leave the said dating site after my message. Whilst I’m not going to do a jump off the end of Llandudno pier, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me a little bit.
Part of me doesn’t understand it. For one, I’m hard working, hold down a good job, got a good sense of humour (according to Compare on Facebook), fun to be with (again with Compare), cuddly, intelligent and - dare I say it - not actually that bad looking. Certainly I consider myself better looking than the slung shouldered ugly sperm showerers usually seen with prams, acne and no chance of employment.
But then again, I can see why I’m am single. For one, I live with my parents, hardly budoir of love, secondly - you could count eligable women in Colwyn Bay with one hand and still have fingers left over (they fail my “Rhombus of Perfect Woman”: attractive, sane, intelligent, without children - usually only meeting 3 of the rhombous’ points), so I can’t say I actually fancy anybody since that time in late November, and I’m not like most men, and can’t fake a relationship.
But the main reason is simple: I’m not sure I can do with the hassle.
Lets compare lives for a bit. For some reason, people come upto me and generally bitch about their men or women. Coming to me for relationship advice is like going to the gynacologist for tax restructurisation. Nevertheless, I hear more stories as well through other people bitching about their men or women. To me, it just seems like too much hard work, and relationships seem to suck the will out of people (as it did for me). I became fat, lazy and generally unproductive in my relationships. Why? Because I was getting laid.
However in the last year of since being single, I’ve been to 10 countries, had countless nights out, developed my websites into a genuinely good second income, began learning to drive and generally had a good time.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that whilst I wouldn’t mind somebody there to help share my life with, whilst there isn’t anything at the moment, I’m not going to try and force it. I’m going to wait until I actually meet somebody I like in that way, and then go from there. For what I’ve seen in relationships, it’s not how much time you spend together that makes it successful, but how much time you spend apart.
Sorry for the emo post guys, but I’ve become rather reflective in my 2 days of 24-ness.
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Rhys Wynne, the author of this blog, is a 20 something web designer from Colwyn Bay.
Your forgiven for your emo-ness because you managed to get a Rhombus in. Possibly the finest of polyhedra
On the relationship thing, I’m kinda with you, it does seem like most relationships are really hard work, but then I guess that makes them all the more wonderful when they’re going right.
If I hadn’t done it over msn I would have never done it and I would have been even more miserable. Trust me it was good it ended when it did cos I was not in a stable frame of mind.
When you stop looking is usually when you find someone. Go clubbing lol best way to meet randomers although perhaps you should save that for when you move to Manchester! :S
I stated it as fact, rather than opinion. Everybody does things differently. I really appreciated the card though!
I hate clubbing. I never pull in clubs (I think I’ve pulled twice in clubs before now, with girls I’ve not known before that point), so I can’t see that changing :S
haha what was the name of that girl you met in Krazy house? the one i entertained whilst you played smackdown… that was hilarious
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Alyson. I truly admit I was a see you next tuesday to her. Shows how successful pulling in clubs is.
Every so often I add her to my facebook. And every so often, she tells me to fuck right off.
haha thats genius
she was all sorts of funny. and ginger if i remember rightly!!!
What is funny is that I have found living with a bunch of other people in a student house to be far more hassle than a relationship ever was for me. I think it is because we always get at least one slightly unhinged person which causes sooo much drama and necessitates a lot of time and effort to sort it out.
I have seen people with incredibly neurotic partners and how much hassle it has caused so I am in avoidance phase.
I totally agree with the house much time you spend apart thing you mention.
If a year is sad then i’m fucked. i’ve been single for a year and a half. Sort of. The one guy (ironic) that had any potential fucked off to the other side of the world.
I’ve come to discover that relationshps aren’t the be all and end all of life. People who flit from relationship to relationship tend to have major self conciousness issues and can’t be alone. Their next relationship is always “better” than the last one and the love of their life before the honeymoon period is over and their grass is greener attitude takes hold.
I have no lack of interest from the opposite sex (and the same sex for that matter!) and have had so many dates in the past year but I haven’t wanted to be with any of them because they haven’t been exactly what i’m looking for. I’m not desperate to be with anyone so why the rush? It’s more important for me to concentrate on my life and my happiness.
The whole breaking up via msn is a tricky one. It depends how long you are together as to what is deemed acceptable. Breaking up via text is fine if you’ve been dating for say 3 months but breaking up by text after 2 years say is pure cowardice and actually quite pitiful.
I used to think breaking up with someone via anything other than face-to-face was a bit of a nasty thing to do but now i think it’s gotta be better than just ignoring you ’til you get the hint, right?
I agree with Han though - when you realise you’re not actually looking is when they all turn up. So sit back and wait for the queues….
(Have to add that it shocks me you’ve not been snapped up. You’re a real gem in a somewhat awful world.)
Relationships aren’t always hard work. I never put any work into mine
(I’m kidding btw)
You’re only 24 Rhys, you’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you for getting tied down in a serious relationship.
Yeah Rhys, don’t be too concerned about having a relationship. I haven’t had one for nearly 3 years… and that was only a VERY short stint. Almost not worth calling a relationship, but that girl is special to me.
I agree with Celeste, I’ve had interest from people (both sexes… unfortunately) but just haven’t found someone that I want to devote myself to. Really not in a hurry to get into a relationship.
When it comes down to it, so long you’re happy and having a blast with life… who cares?
And there is nothing wrong at all with having a close relationship with your hand… I know I do! (My hand that is… not yours… that would just be weird.)
I’ve always found relationships when I’ve concentrated on my own ish and stopped looking. Not saying that it’d work for you, but it’s definitely less stressful that way (and maybe less expensive).
loving that diagram! its immense and so very honest and true!
have to agree with the young thing. and also your point of living at home - im dreading going home after living very selfishly all about me for about 15 months. when i look back relationships are odd. you put so much effort into something which always seems to do nothing but cause you pain/hurt/unhappyness!
this is probably the point where you say mr/miss right hasn’t been found yet… but i have to be honest im sceptical about there being the perfect person for each and every one of us. i reckon that you simply find someone you are content with and cant be bothered looking any further!
Travelling is a great way of meeting people (and even though this could bite me on the arse) and it’s also great way of having some (or lots) of cheeky fun! However, i don’t tihkn you’ll find your life partner or what ever you want to call them through it! So far the relationships ive entered into have caused nothing but a big pain in my bum and a lot of money for vodafone!
I’m waiting for a facebook group dedicated to that diagram. In all it’s motherfucking glory.
I’ve been single for quite some time as well. Sure I want someone but sometimes when I think about it, I’m better of alone.
But I wish you luck in your women hunt, may you find someone nice
Congratulations for completing one year.
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