April 9th, 2008
Categories: General

The Day That Blogging Died

 

There has been a lot of hoohaa in the Blogging world about one article in particular – New York Times’ “Is Blogging Killing You?” – Basically, in an astounding piece of journalism, the New York Times has managed to deduce the fact that bloggers are indeed human, and – like the rest of the non blogging world – die. They point the finger at two bloggers who – dispite being in a high stress job and may not be the fittest out there – met their deaths because of blogging.

Of course, responsible bloggers have been saying things like “have regular breaks with exercise”, “eat well” and “have regular sex” (seriously), as a way to keep yourself healthy.

I have never been a responsible blogger.

In this post, I’m going to look how bloggers, twitter friends, and bloggers I can get a cheap laugh out of may (or probably will not) meet their maker. This is only intended as a bit of fun, so please don’t take it as malicious. It’s a wierd kind of humour you only associate with the Brits. I don’t actually want any of you to die, as you’re all awesome.

Han will suffer a major squeeing accident looking at a Cute Overload. Her parents will sue Cute Overload and all kitten/bunny related sites now have to carry a fag-packet like warning. Or either that or some sort of sexual accident involving Ray Mears and James May (she told me to write that).

Jem perishes after a gunfight with Matt Mullingweg (creator of WordPress with a tricky last name). The fight started after an arguement regarding Jem requesting an addon to Akismet to block “rubbish tween commenters”, after initial tests, Akismet’s server load was through the roof, so Matt asked Jem to drop the project or elase serve ads on her site. Jem refused.

Erica would have her neck broken in a horrible acciedent trying to stop her fiance from unplugging her computer (see here).

Cloud Nine would suffer a brain hemorrage due to a burst eye nerve caused by glaring at her screen too much (see here).

John Chow would cease to exist due to affiliate poisoning.

John Cow would probably give up living after losing faith in humanity after so many blogs copy his template.

The University Kid probably is jumping off a cliff after both his team losing to The Mighty Mighty Liverpoolâ„¢ and the fact that you’ll never see the Beautiful Game as Beautiful as that for 10 years after That Game At Anfield.

Diamond Geezer will be hit by the 9.59 Central Line Train from Epping to West Ruslip. He will haunt the Central Line for years to come as the train was 6 minutes late.

And the New York Times editor will be stampeded by a bunch of angry bloggers.

See, what I don’t understand about this article is that whilst it’s unfortunate that these people died, they probably would’ve suffered the same fate in any high pressured job in front of a computer. I’m not immune, I’ve suffered tremendous back problems in the past months. But that has been from sitting in front of a computer, not because of blogging. It seems that the NY Times are getting just a little bit tetchy over bloggers taking their market share, they’re trying to (no pun intended) scare them to death.

Anyway, back to the humour, those are the only bloggers I can make funny, so why don’t you suggest your own blogging deaths?

Incidentally. Me? I’m fucking immortal me. Gospelmania will never die.

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